In perhaps her most beloved novel Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen wrote, in chapter 5, in the voice of the character Mary,
"Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us."
Thinking about this, I suppose that she is right. On the whole, I'm more vain than proud. I am spurred on by my lack of regard for myself, and hope that others recognize my efforts, gifts and talents. I do not have great respect for myself, though there are things I like about myself. I would rather others have respect for me than that I should have respect for myself. I tend to dote on others' achievements, but in regard to my own, start with feet-shuffling and blushing, then feel guilty about my not downplaying anything I've done, enough. This is not merely show, though it does begin that way. Before long, I've talked myself into shame of demonstrating pride to another.
I think that vanity and pride are on a continuum of self-importance. Legalism leads to vanity, and "grace without requirement" leads to pride. I think that is why we must take the Gospel and the book of James, together.
We are given grace, and by definition, there are no strings attached. However, the consequence of grace is a longing to return some measure of the gift given to us. This shows that we have, indeed, received grace. I think that this is what James is saying, but I am not a theologian and haven't read James in a while.
Being able to say, "I am a worm," without any shred of vanity is a mark of having received grace. But how many of us can truly say that? How many of us can say, "I have received Christ" without any hint of pride? And if we concentrate on the constructs of our speech, hoping not to betray pride, are we being vain?
Being careful to always say the right thing--this is vanity. Refusing to change and thinking that no change is needed, or else that what we are is as good or better than what everyone else is--this is pride.
I think, really, these two issues have the same source, and only differ in respect to what angle we're working. Vanity is either a false front given to get something we think we deserve or pushing forward our achievements, however subtly, to get that recognition or reward. In the latter case, perhaps vanity is pride on viagra.
Pride, I think, rewards the self instead of seeking to elicit the reward from someone else. When we come to God, in search of His grace, it is because we can no longer be filled by our pride, and vanity is either completely unfulfilled, or like pride, no longer fulfills.
When we have received grace and still have vanity and pride issues, what do we do then? I think that we are supposed to find emotional sustenance in the love of the Lord. Self-esteem is the world's version of this. When God says, "You are so valuable, I will send my Son to die for you so that you can be with me," it means just that: we have value. This is different from self-esteem.
This is, instead, taking the Lord at His word. We can now say, "I was such a worm, before, and even then, God saw the value in me." The value is already there, and it is no more and no less than that belonging to any other human being. We have worth, but it does not come from ourselves, so it's inappropriate to call it "self-worth."
Rather, we seek to see ourselves with sobriety. Read for context 1 Peter 1:13. Consider praying to see yourself with sobriety, with clarity and discernment; this way, you may recognize what things need to change and what things need to stay the same, and start with the realization that we were fearfully and wonderfully made, that God values us in spite of our past, so much as to die for us, and consider jumping off the "self-esteem" bandwagon, and be ready to accept every challenge as a challenge for God, and see our gifts and talents as those important assets that God has given us, protecting them from those who would steal or attenuate them.
This is not pride in self, but a recognition of the kind of God we serve. Let us boast in Him.
Regi G
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